Several of my family and friends are having babies this year and I’m kind of jealous. I really want a child even though now isn’t the best time for my husband and I. We want to get our financial situation in order, not that it’s in bad shape, and our house built. I have all these logic reasons in my head why we should wait but I still can’t help but want a child of my own. I’m terrified that we will wait to late and it will be impossible to have children. Or that we will be old parents and not able to enjoy our children. But my husband isn’t ready. I and but he’s not and I struggle with that daily. Is that selfish of me? I feel like it is. I can’t talk to him about it because he either gets mad or shuts me down. How do I deal with this? The only thing I can do is wait but sometimes I want a baby so bad it hurts. I dream about being pregnant often, usually at least once a week. I even have baby names and nursery themes already picked out. I’m just in my early twenties and have time but I just really want a child. I have over 400 pins on Pinterest related to baby stuff. My husband and I would both make great parents and I want my child to grow up close to his or her cousins like I did. But on the other hand there are a million things we want to do before we have children. we want to take cruises and see what we can of the world.
I just need to let go, and let God.
My husband passed his inspector’s class yesterday and we drove home the 12 hours to Tennessee. We were so excited. This is going to open up so many new opportunities for us. We were in such a good mood all the way home. We jammed out to all our favorite songs and the drive just seemed to fly by.
Fast forward, we are in bed and he has just fallen asleep. I go to plug my phone up and oh shit! His paperwork with his social security number on it was supposed to be in the bag with all our chargers and it wasn’t. Shit shit shit. So I get up and call the hotel. The lady promises to check lost and found and to call me when its found. So I spent a sleepless night worrying about what could happen and how mad he is going to be. I check my phone a million times. I woke up for the last time at 5:30 am and they still haven’t called. That can’t be good. I get up and let the dogs out and call again. They weren’t in lost and found but the manager will talk to the maids when they arrive for the day and call me back. Great. I’m never going to sleep now. I spend an hour in bed just worrying myself to death. I am literally sick to my stomach. I just know someone is going to steal our identity and ruin our lives. I can’t just lay there and freak out anymore. I get up and finish unloading the car. I see his binder with his work stuff. Please Lord let him have picked that paperwork up. YES!!!!!! It was in there! Thank you Jesus! I have never been so relieved in my life. Oh my gosh. That was the most stressful night I have ever spent. I almost need an Irish Coffee after that. Good Lord.
Moral of this story: check your hotel room a million times before you and never, ever leave important paperwork just laying around.